i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
