this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Randomize
