It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
