She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have fence marks all over my body
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
