My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
