did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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