Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
