my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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