P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
