it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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