Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
