Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
