I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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