I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
