My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
