Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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