Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
