Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
