Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
