I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
