i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
