If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
