I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
