Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
