I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
zippers are such a cool invention
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
