I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
