Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
