After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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