so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
