youre lurking in front of me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
