I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
