You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
