I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
