you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
