Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
