I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
