Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
