wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
