WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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