why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
