quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
