I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
