DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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