You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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