bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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