Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
