Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
