Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
