so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
