Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
