he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
