i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I am morally bankrupt
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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