And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
