My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
