I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
