Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
