Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
